hildeguardog's Diaryland Diary


Racapitulation of the 10th month of the Year of Their Lord, 2006

What can I say? Well, a whole lot. Makes me wonder why that question came to mind in the first place.
So this month has been one of the most productive I have lived through in quite some time. Quite possibly the most productive I've yet to encounter, but I haven't past months enough to surely say so.
There are lots of people that I never liked much and, in the past thirty or so days, I have learned why and I no longer associate with aforementioned persons. That makes me feel very good about myself. There's one, in particular, whose value to me had been in question for a relatively long period of time and it comes as great relief to my mind that we no longer contribute meaninglessness to eachothers life.
(Note to self: you are using diaryland as a medium to test certain phrasings and uses of words because it is here you that you are fully, and truly, your own critic.)
I am now a two-time high school drop-out. In January I will begin college at Truman and by June I will have my high school diploma(circumstances permitting). In September of 2007 I plan on going to a university-- the only one currently in mind is Western Illinois because it's the only I'm absolutely positive I'll be accepted into.
In December of this year, I will take and earn a GED, and I will retake(and score higher) on my ACT's. Until then, I will be tutored in math by a good friend of mine who attends Loyola University but doesn't often attend her math courses.
On November 21st, I will have paid back the current debt I owe to mother for that laptop that turned up missing back in March.
It was during this current month that I came across another reason-- that of which is the most important to me: the reason to live. I now see no reason why any of my abilities should go to waste-- be it in school, or when I'm working at Panera(or any job, for that matter), or when I'm living at home; such a reason applies to every aspect of my life. If there was an exception then my whole thought process would be flawed. I currently see no need to take a break from this thought process("taking a break" would be another potential flaw) by means of distractions-- such as those of drug use, excessive music listening or television watching, or numerous others that plagued the daily life of my old ways, as well as that of most people around whom I happen to notice.
Back to Western Illinois: if I do find myself in Macomb next school year, I'd like very much to join their cross country team. Although smoking is said to deter from a smoker's lung capacity and physical capability, I see it as an obstacle that can be overcome so long as I can find a mind-satiating balance.
Ah, how I enjoy smoking. I didn't mean to say it like that, but I had an ulterior motive which was to describe my stance on smoking cigarettes: I enjoy it very much but I do not like when people see me doing it, for the same reason that I don't like people noticing my tattoo: they tend to ask questions, openly or to themselves, that I'd rather not answer because I know of no way that I could breach their predetermined ideas of cigarettes or Batman.
I fully described my thoughts behind my tattoo to one person. The next evening I smoked a joint with that person and had difficulty sleeping. The third day she described my description to a friend of mine as that of stoned rambling. I was offended by the-- be it intentional or unintentional-- miscalculation in time and have since decided to keep my mouth on a very tight leash(so to speak) in regards to that subject.
Although there is plenty more I'd like to say, I have lots of reading to do, and Puppy to attend to, as well as a pillow to warm and a Rubik's cube to play.
Fare well.

12:03 a.m. - Monday, Oct. 30, 2006


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