hildeguardog's Diaryland Diary

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How I'm in Love With Everything

Garden State, Blades of Glory, The Departed, Babel-- The past couple movies I've seen have been great. I was starting to think I'd never enjoy a movie again, ever, after seeing Ghostrider, 300, The Number 23, and Reno: 911-- wait a minute, 300!? To be honest(as only diaryland can get me to be), I never really appreciated 300. I watched it, recognized that I should like it like a good movie, but never really enjoyed it. All the coolest scenes were covered in the preview.
Anyways, I haven't inhaled smoke(other than second hand) in over a week now. The cravings for a cigarette have grown few and far between and I've quickly grown to be disgusted by the strong scent of a smoking square. I can no longer stand being in the car with someone while they're smoking-- I don't know how anyone ever put up with me. Man, even walking by an active smoker on the street makes me slightly nauseous. Oh, which leads me to this: I've been lying ever since I've stopped smoking.. first of all, lies are usually considered bad because they give me some kind of unfair advantage. Well, I've been telling people that my body no longer tolerates smoke for some mysterious reason-- including(but not limited to) that produced by burning marijuana. See, if my friends didn't think that smoking put me in physical pain, they'd offer me cigarettes or a hit from a bowl as a joke. It's happened before, and the peer pressure has gotten to me. Not this time. They'll feel like such scumbags if they offer me a cigarette, and I'd pretend to get offended anyways. Whatever, gotta do what I gotta do. I had to confide in you, hildeguardog, because I'm no good at lying-- I always end up telling someone(/thing) when I do something dishonest.
This week I will spend $800 or thereabout on a nice new bass and accompanying amplifier. Earl and I are going to start making music again and I've never had respectable equiptment of my own. Furthermore, I may purchase Aaron's Epiphone Les Paul. That'd be pretty cool but I might wait and get a Gibson SG or something sweet like that. Also, I should be getting my laptop tomorrow, which will allow me to start piecing together some of these song ideas I've had. I've never spent much time making my own music so this should be fun.
On friday night I saw one of the prettiest girls I have ever laid eye on. She was Russian and I met her in my living room. Prior to 7:00 that evening, I had no idea that Russian girls had the capacity to attract me. Boy, was I wrong! She's like five years older than me and she goes to school in Kansas so I had no real thoughts, only daydreams.
Anyhow, this clear-headedness is a lot of fun. On Wednesday night I was working and this one dude came in-- I'd say he's in his early fifties maybe, has a bit of a lisp and a heavy, unidentifiable(to me) accent. I first saw this guy several months ago, and ever since I've been convinced that he played the possessed curator in Ghostbusters 2. Since my withdrawal had me both spaced-out and buzzed(oxygen high, maybe?) I was getting bad ideas. I decided not to ask him-- until I saw him getting ready to leave. I ditched a line full of customers(not very professional of me) and walked quickly over to him, abandoning my pride and asking if he used to be an actor. "No, I'm a director," he said, as if I had made a mistake and had been meaning to ask of his actual profession.
"So.. Ghostbusters 2..? No..?"
"Huh..?.. Oh, no, no, sorry."
Dang.
So I'm thinking this world is gonna go to hell pretty fast. Like, what if the conflicts across the pond spread? What if we start dealing with suicide bombers on our public transportation on a regular basis? I'm not looking forward to that, and I'm hoping I'm naive in predicting such an atrocious future for this country, but it has freed me. See, if the world were in good hands and shape, I'd be very concerned with the amount of money I make, the career I choose, and the family I might decide to support. Under current conditions, I have no problem following the path I wanted to follow in the beginning of high school. The whole starving musician/writer thing is much more appealing to me than working for someone else doing something I enjoy on a day-to-day basis but don't particularly care about. Hm. Good luck, Scott.
Right now I'm very satisfied with where I am. Not literally, though. Not that I'm upset to be at home at 1:00 on a monday morning... What I'm talking about is with my head. See, I never did take enough time after things ended with Mindy... any of the times. ha. I think that ended like, three or four times? Well, now it's been like six or seven months since we've spoken, and I haven't had a girlfriend since Mandy(ended in July), and I haven't really been seriously active in that part of my life since... October(different girl). I'm on the verge of a clean slate, which reminds me of how I was right before I dated Mindy back in sophomore year. My next girlfriend(not that I know who she is, or plan on having a girlfriend anytime soon) isn't going to know what to do with me. I think she's in for a treat.
On the working side of my life, I will be worth absolutely nothing for the next two days. What I mean is that, between working at Panera, walking Toby, and selling 'dro on the side, I haven't gone a day without making, at the very least, $5 in a day for a very long time. Speaking of money, I'll probably begin my job hunt tomorrow. Panera hasn't been coming through with many hours for me, and my raise hasn't come yet, so why not move on? Plus, all those guys wanna get high with me after work.. it's not fun having to explain, "Look, I'm not smoking weed for now. I may never smoke weed again, or I may be smoking in a few months. Please don't mention it around me-- I don't have any affectionate feelings towards the stuff right now."
Alright, I've listened to enough music and I've watched enough movies lately-- I haven't been reading enough. Time to check out this Nelson Algren book Danny wants me to read.
Word.

1:24 a.m. - Monday, Apr. 02, 2007

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