hildeguardog's Diaryland Diary

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Fuck.

Fuck.
Fuck this shit.
Fuck girls and the way I treat them, and how I treat and mistreat everyone I run into, and how I can never make up my mind or distinguish real emotions from temporary ones.. and furthermore, fuck my insecurities and uncertainties and my loneliness(especially when I'm in the company of the one I want to be with)..
Fuck me.
Fuck.
Fuck trust, and how some people can't instill their's in me any longer..
And fuck alcohol, and drinking out of uneasiness or desperation, and fuck the way I know that'll be me very shortly-- but I'll be alone.
Fuck relationships that happen prematurely and fuck emotions that just won't leave you. Fuck that one girl you'll never get over and fuck knowing that the girl of your dreams is her without the back-catalogue.
Fuck; if I wasn't so caught up in my math teacher's flattery then I'd recognize this as the perfect time to leave this mess for a little while.
Goddamnit-- I hate hurting people and how they don't understand.. just the way I don't fucking understand.
Mr. Washco said it's okay I act so retarded because of all the physiological changes that occur during teenage years.. and I heard somewhere else that the human brain doesn't finish maturing until around the age of 21(hence the drinking age).
All I'm asking for is a girl that will not be afraid to dump me.. one who will be glad to make me feel the way they do.

this house is full of ears, but i can't talk to anyone-- they've heard this one a thousand times

11:49 p.m. - Wednesday, Jul. 06, 2005

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