hildeguardog's Diaryland Diary


I Don't Want to Stand Here Next to You

Sometimes I drink tea at night and sometimes I go on a bender and sometimes I smoke a pack a day and sometimes I run five times a week and sometimes I smoke on the days that I run and sometimes I read really great books and sometimes I work really hard on writing stories and sometimes I watch sports and read articles about players and monitor their statistics and sometimes I listen to a band obsessively and sometimes I go to shows and sometimes I steal music and sometimes I eat one meal a day and that meal is pizza and sometimes I eat lots of salad and lately I only eat bacon and eggs on the days I don't just eat pizza and sometimes whiskey makes me feel good the next day and sometimes I like to speed and drive recklessly and sometimes I stop for two seconds at every stop sign and sometimes I let the pedestrians cross when they have the right of way and sometimes fuck it, and some days I'm a family man and some days I only want to see my friends and sometimes I don't return phone calls and some days I'm desperate for attention and sometimes I miss ex-girlfriends I didn't really like in the first place and sometimes I buy brown shoes because it's 2016 and I should own brown shoes even if I have nowhere in particular to wear them and sometimes I rack up credit card debt because I don't like to work and sometimes all I do is work and I miss important life events because of my job and sometimes I abandon good friendships and sometimes they stick around anyway and this is the way I live my life and I'm okay with that but I don't know if it can fit into the world.

Sometimes I wish I was one way across the board. Sometimes I wish I could be a sports fan and not hate sports at the same time. Sometimes I wish I was always healthy or always drunk. Sometimes I wish I could always use proper grammar, or never at all. Sometimes I wish I was proud of my taste in music instead of ashamed. Sometimes I wish I had health insurance. Sometimes I wish I was responsible. Sometimes I wish I could always act like an adult and some weeks I rarely shower. Some days I don't want to wake up and some afternoons I can't nap when I'm exhausted and some nights I don't want to go to bed. And sometimes I don't worry about any of this and continue living my life.

6:01 p.m. - Monday, Sept. 19, 2016


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