hildeguardog's Diaryland Diary


Bad Job

Is this passive aggression? Probably. I don't think it's my fault, though. This is such a rudimentary thing; I shouldn't have to explain the fact that when you follow someone around constantly they begin to feel like a caged animal. Am I wrong? Should I cut some slack? I've never felt more uncomfortable coming to work. Jesus. But what can I do?
Here's the situation I'm alluding to: I got this job. It was with the help of a girl whose friendship with has been recently rekindled. I think that makes sense. Basically, we were friends until I got sick of her being a creep, then I forgot about the creepiness but not the few things we have in common. Now we're friends again and she's still a creep. Shoddy memory, I know. My bad.
So she helped me get this job. It's at a coffee shop where I sit and play music and rant about crappy situations to my diary. There's one person working at a time and this girl's excuse is to come here and study. Nice guise (wish it could finish last. har har). Anyways, because she told her friend to put in a good word for me, I feel that she feels somewhat responsible for me getting the job. Sure, I am. I guess I'll agree. But, that does not constitute her owning any part of my life. It's not like she owned the job. If I got a girl a job under the pretense that she'd go out with me or something, then she decided she didn't want to go out with me, then I'd feel like the asshole for assuming that me getting her a job would guarantee anything. That's just me, though. I don't know everything (or anything, it often seems).
So there's that. Now I'm working with the most reluctant of spirits. This was bad before Lucy and I started on the path towards getting back together, now it's awful. I feel like I'm holding something from Lucy, which isn't fair. On the other hand, this is not a situation I want to be in. My only real options are to quit, outright; to to tell her how I feel (the e-mail has already typed but sending e-mailing a person who's in the same room is more passive aggressive than typing an angry entry into a diary that they will never read); or a combination of the two. But I need a job. And she didn't hire me. Also, it's not like her friend will work with me, ever, so I'll only receive the potential dirty looks in the minute or two before or after work on the days that we switch out each others shift.
So now I suppose I'll head on over to Craig and peruse his list.
Damn, why do I put myself in these situations? I knew I wouldn't last long with her personality being so needy and clingy and deceiving and "I'm trying to make you jealous" and generally just annoying and inconvenient and indefatigable.

6:13 p.m. - Tuesday, Jul. 06, 2010


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