hildeguardog's Diaryland Diary

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You will soon be able to make money off \"tragedy\"

I'm getting tired of sticking around. Being drunk and/or high aren't as fun as they were a while ago. Cigarettes seem like a waste of time. School is just as boring as it has been since I was what, 4 or 5? The idea of girls as anything other than friends has become disheartening. Music isn't as exciting to make or to listen to as it once was. Getting in trouble is even boring nowadays.
Maybe my adrenaline isn't as active or as strong as it should be. I'm not up for an adventure, either, which I was constantly looking for up until sometime last year, when my interest started declining.
Right now I find two things appetizing:
1)sleep.
2)lying comfortably with someone I don't have much of a physical history with and knowing that there's nothing keeping me there but my enjoyment of being relaxed.
Somehow I only see one of those things happening in the foreseeable future.
I was a nervous wreck last week. It started Sunday night when I couldn't sleep, only to notice I was out of my mind in anxiety that could be seen in the sweat that glistened my skin. Similar things took place atleast once on both Monday and Tuesday, but in school as well as late at night, my room.
I'm sure this goes for most people, but there comes times in my life where it's hard to find-- for lack of better phrasing-- reasons to live. These periods seem to be coming more and more often these days.

11:07 p.m. - Saturday, Apr. 02, 2005

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