hildeguardog's Diaryland Diary


I Only Want More

Let me start off by saying that I take most things for granted. I could complain endlessly about my parents, as most kids my age can, and will. I've complained a good amount of going to church... with my mom. I've also complained about grooming Hilde and taking the boys for a walk. How many times have I thought about making physical copies of my favorite entries from various people's diaries?

regrets are unanswered dreams

So I've been listening to more Jejune lately. I don't want to regret stupid things like not reading in the same room as my dad. We've already argued politics, something I don't know enough of and he knows too much. It doesn't make me particularly happy to do this sort of thing, but maybe it will once I'm assured it's too late.

I am willing to make sacrifices to make other people happy in most circumstances. My mom appreciates it when we watch movies together, and I enjoy it just as much. Henry usually loves playing catch, be it baseball or football. My dad likes talking or watching baseball games. I'm happier than hell to do any of these with any of them... but then there's Will. I don't think Will likes me too much. He's usually polite and he liked my Jimmy Eat World record for a while, but that's it. My mom used to make him play catch with me, and he got frustrated because I'm a jerk, but also when I would try to give him constructive criticism. I don't help people out at all anymore, I just criticize behind their backs... or I realize what they're doing wrong, or saying wrong, but I'll let them figure it out, or stay ignorant to whatever they asked about.

I'm not trying to be rude.

I'm just afraid I'll never be close to him. Sharing a school with him for the next two years will make or break our relationship over the next couple years. This is new to me, even from when I started writing this entry. I'm more scared now than I was a week ago.

11:36 p.m. - Friday, Sept. 03, 2004


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