hildeguardog's Diaryland Diary


I Can Not Be Alone [EDITTED]

The actual realization came when, in the middle of Thursday's Division St., the batteries on my discman cut out. I thought about when I take walks, or am traveling by train, or even going to sleep.

I don't run because I have nobody to run with and it is inconvenient to carry a discman.

It is awkward when I am alone
It is awkward when my ears are left open

I've written about hiding behind my headphones before, but they keep me from running away... running away from awkward silences, isolation; life. I have no where to run, but I'd still try.

Chris and I got our sandwiches first, then brought them back to the table to watch the stuff while the more feminine two of our little group went to get sandwiches and drinks of their own. Chris went to the bathroom and I was left alone, almost. If I was really alone then no one would be there to notice me. There were three to notice me on this occassion, though, and I'm scared that they did. They were about my age, a guy in a Mike Brown jersey, and two girls. I glanced over at their table, far away, multiple times before deciding to turn on my music loud enough to hear without putting on any headphones. It helped... until Chris came back. Don't get me wrong, by any means. Silence has it's times. Take, for instance, the hell-sent scenario that includes Will and Henry arguing their tiny minds out. Silence is your ears having an orgasm once they've been yelled at. Oh, or the first feeling you get when you leave the Metro or Fireside after a setlist or two of rocking out. It's delicious in any weather.

1:27 a.m. - Thursday, Aug. 05, 2004


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