hildeguardog's Diaryland Diary


Killing Time and Killing Hope: (INTRODUCTION)- The Fall

...so I went through the doors that exited that Study and led to the roof above the bathroom. I needed to be down to ground level, fast, but couldn’t even bear the thought of going back inside. The old, rickety wooden ladder still lay by the edge. Had I done what my mother said and gotten rid of that ladder when the dumpster was first brought into the neighbor I would have been fucked in this situation. Thank Hell for my irresponsibility. As I picked it up the sides started to come off. “Fucking great!”, I roared aloud.

“Whatever.”, I declare as I jump to the present tense. I lean over the edge of the roof, slowly letting the ladder down as far as I can without dropping it. It can’t go any lower so I gently drop it, hoping it’ll land cleanly enough for me to be able to safely inch down the side of my house until I reach it. It does, just barely, and I start my way down. I hang my legs over, balancing my body with my forearms lying flat on the edge. As carefully as I’m doing this, I manage to slip.

(jumps back to past tense):

I didn’t realize what was happening at first, but it became clear to me right before I hit the ground; I was falling. Coincidentally, the impact helped me lose all realization between that first realization and about 5 minutes ago.

Right now it’s 8:47 in the PM and my eyes have opened their floodgates to expel my pain through several salty tears that will leave their mark when I dry my face off. My throbbing head is holding me in restrained remembrance, specifically to issues dealing with the past 4 hours. My clumsiness, from how I have made it seem, is more than that, I think. I have a vague memory of a picture that seems so clear to me. The picture I see is me, prepping for my short fall onto the ladder, when suddenly my ears are filled with Sharon’s overwhelmingly scream for mercy that cracked before she was finished. I know Sharon’s voice, along with scream, better than anybody-- the chronology of all these pieces of memories is what really throws me off, like waking up and trying to get a hold of as many details from the dream you just left.

(proceed to head rush)

10:09 p.m. - Sunday, Jun. 06, 2004


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